Eagles take belt to ass in Super Bowl LIX

Hey. If you haven’t heard, things went pretty well for the Birds on Sunday.

In the email today:

• 🦅 The Chiefs dared Jalen Hurts to beat them and he did

• 🦅 The Eagles snatched the Chiefs' souls

• 🦅 Philadelphia erupts in celebration after Eagles win

  • 📆 This Day in Philly Sports History

  • 📊 Poll

  • 🔗 Links

  • 📺 Coming Up

Saquon Barkley’s tenth carry of Super Bowl 59 came at the 10:48 mark of the second quarter. It went for two yards, giving him 20 rushing yards to that point. He had had two carries for negative yardage, and two four-yard lunges, and a lot of not much else.

By that point, the Eagles were up 7-0 and driving for a second score. Jake Elliott sneaked a 48-yard field goal inside the right pipe, and the Eagles had their two-score lead.

And by then, everyone in the building knew that the Chiefs came into the matchup with the Eagles keying on stopping one guy:

The good news for the Chiefs is that, hey, mission accomplished. Barkley finished with 57 rushing yards on 25 carries. He also had merely adequate receiving numbers (40 yards, six catches). So the Chiefs held Barkley under 100 all-purpose yards.

Unfortunately, paying so much attention to Barkley left the Chiefs’ secondary exposed all night. Sometimes Jalen Hurts could basically tip the play before the snap, knowing there was nothing the Chiefs could do to keep him from completing a pass.

And then, once the Eagles took full command on the scoreboard (we think 27-0 late third quarter qualifies), Hurts could do anything he wanted.

Literally.

So Hurts won the Super Bowl MVP award, and rightfully so. You post a 120 QB rating, throw for two touchdowns and run for another in a blowout win, you get that trophy.

Make no mistake, though. Hurts could never have done all of this if the Chiefs had simply accepted that Barkley was going to get his yards.

We couldn’t have said it better ourselves.

Super Bowl 59 was a celebration from the 12:00 mark of the third quarter. Down 24-0 at the half, the Chiefs had the usual interminable halftime show to figure out the Eagles’ stifling defense and make something positive happen.

Three minutes later, the Chiefs punted after gaining one first down, and from that moment on there was never going to be enough time left on the clock for the Chiefs to come all the way back.

Eagles fans are many things, but one thing we pride ourselves on is our pettiness. Gracious winning isn’t our thing. With that in mind, let’s sift through some absolutely priceless images of how the Eagles not only beat the Chiefs, they humiliated them.

Here’s Patrick Mahomes catching hands in the grill while being strip-sacked:

Mahomes had a long night. He wasn’t the only one.

Chiefs defensive tackle Chris Jones was seen on the sideline flexing his neck after unsuccessfully trying the stop the Brotherly Shove on the Eagles’ first touchdown. Later, he had to adjust his knee brace and again appeared to be in some discomfort.

But the physical pain he experienced seemed to pale in comparison to his reaction to the DeAndre Hopkins drop with 40 seconds left in the first half, the Chiefs’ last real moment of being competitive in the game:

We’ve saved the best for last, of course.

Many of us lived through Andy Reid’s 1-4 record in NFC Championship games — losing at home, favored, on the road, it didn’t matter — and his Super Bowl loss here.

So it was pretty fun last night to see the return of a familiar face — the Andy Reid “it’s happening again” face:

It’s somewhere between “constipation” and “I wish the refs hadn’t given us the AFC Championship game two weeks ago…the Bills are better than us.”

Celebrating the Eagles’ success and domination is fun, but have you ever truly rolled around and gotten filthy in the misery of your opponents? It’s pretty satisfying.

Super Bowl LIX was expected to be a close battle, but the Eagles' dominant performance turned the game into an hours-long party.

And when it ended? All the scenes you would expect.

Let's check in on Broad St. first:

We've progressed from climbing the poles to dismantling the poles.

Let's not forget Frankford & Cottman:

How about Bourbon St.???? Philadelphia has officially annexed New Orleans.

What a night. What a team. What a fan base. FLY EAGLES FLY!!!!

Save some energy for the parade (likely Friday).

📆 This Day in Philly Sports History

On February 10, 2025, Eagles celebrated the second Super Bowl championship in franchise history. If anything else ever happened on this day, it no longer matters.

📊 Poll

Results from last poll:

Birds fans knew in advance.

🔗 Links

• 👱‍♀️ All that Eras Tour adulation didn’t prepare Taylor Swift for getting booed.

• 💦 Congratulations to all you “yellow/green/lime” Gatorade bettors.

• 🗓️ If this was Brandon Graham’s last game, what a way to go out.

• 🙄 Xavier Worthy’s eight catches for 157 yards looked better in the box score than they should, since it was all in garbage time.

• 🗑️ Speaking of garbage time, all the junk yards Mahomes accumulated while the Eagles were dousing the coach probably shouldn’t count.

📺 Coming Up

No games for the locals tonight. Sounds like a good time to rewatch Super Bowl 59!

Thanks for reading. See you tomorrow.

Be sure to follow On Pattison on social media:

• Follow on X

• Follow on Instagram

• Follow on Facebook